


The Shovel Talk

by coraxes



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-06 02:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8730346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coraxes/pseuds/coraxes
Summary: Kravitz doesn't get summoned often, especially not to talk about his intentions toward his maybe-boyfriend.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i neither know nor care how summonings work in d&d, but that's fine bc i don't think griffin does either
> 
> fic was inspired by both that one tumblr post about ango grilling kravitz and an angus voice compilation that i listened to about 5 times today

Kravitz didn’t get summoned often.  It was expensive as shit, for one thing, and for another most people didn’t want to encounter a grim reaper.  The Raven Queen’s bounty hunters couldn’t be used as supernatural assassins the way some demons were.

 

So he was bemused to find himself jerked away from his breakfast (“breakfast”--coffee, black, spiked) and into a binding circle.

 

The skin melted from his bones; his scythe jumped into his hand from its cubbyhole on the astral plane.  He couldn’t hurt his summoner, Kravitz could feel the binding, but he could give the asshat a scare.

 

“WHO DARES--” Kravitz boomed, and then saw what exactly had summoned him.

 

A small half-elven boy stared up at Kravitz, arms crossed, glasses perched precariously on the end of his nose.  His eyes were wide, but his jaw was set in a determined scowl.  

 

Despite himself, Kravitz was impressed.  He’d seen grown men piss their pants at the sight of his skeletal form.

 

“Hello, sir,” said the kid.  He gripped a wand in his right hand and pointed it at Kravitz in a way that was probably meant to be threatening.  “I’d like to ask you a few questions.  And this binding requires you to be truthful, so--so you better be straight with me, or some very bad things will happen to you.”

 

Kravitz stared steadily at the kid, then around the room.  It was a bizarre mix of child’s bedroom and office.  Caleb Cleveland novels sat on top of the miniature desk along with stacks of paper.  Rocket-ship-print sheets peeked out from the crisply-made bed.

 

Kravitz sighed.  “Look, kid, I’m not going to talk to anyone in the afterlife for you,” he said.  “I mean, I can, but there are better ways to get things across than using a grim reaper as a messenger boy, right?”

 

The kid’s eyes widened.  “Oh, no, that’s not what I meant at all!” he said.  He fished in his pocket, tongue between his teeth, and pulled out a small white card.

 

Kravitz took it.  If he had eyebrows at the moment, they would have gone up.   _Angus McDonald, boy detective,_ read the card.  The name vaguely rang a bell...what was it?  

 

“Oh, you’re Taako’s magic boy,” Kravitz said.  

 

The kid blushed all the way from the collar of his shirt to the tips of his ears.  “He talks about me?” Angus gasped, then shook his head.  “I mean, that’s not important.  So you _do_ know Taako?”

 

“Is that what this is about?” Kravitz relaxed a bit.  Clearly the kid wasn’t a danger.  He let the skeleton face fade and the reaper getup go back to its place on the astral plane, and sat down so that he was closer to the kid’s eye level.  “Yeah, I know Taako.”

 

Angus’s eyes narrowed.  “So you _are_ his secret boyfriend?”

 

There wasn’t really a good way to explain to a kid the difference between _boyfriend_ and _person who Taako flirts with and who flirts back, even though Taako might be a lich,_ so Kravitz just nodded.  “Didn’t know it was a secret.”  Then again, he hadn’t been particularly forthcoming with his colleagues, either.

 

Angus bounced on his heels, all traces of trying to intimidate Kravitz gone.  “Oh my goodness, this is amazing!  I just--I’ve never summoned a grim reaper before, and your name was really hard to find out,” said Angus. “So I’m glad I got it right on the first try, because those gems were a lot of my salary!”

 

Kravtiz shifted.  “Is there a point to this, kid?  I was in the middle of something.”

 

Abruptly, Angus stopped bouncing.  “Oh, yes sir.  So--if you don’t mind me asking--and I guess even if you do mind me asking because of that binding thing--what are your intentions toward Taako?”

 

“What,” said Kravitz.

 

His _intentions_ ?  He hardly knew himself.  They’d been out a few times, but it wasn’t as if it had gone very far.  Things were _complicated,_ and--

 

Angus pulled a notepad from his pocket and squinted down at a page.  “According to their reports, you tried to kill Merle, Magnus, and Taako multiple times.  And one of your attempts led to Merle losing his arm, which was very traumatic and made us all very sad!”

 

Ah, yes.  He _had_ done that, hadn’t he?

 

Kravtiz cleared his throat.  “All true.”

 

“So as you can see, I’m a little bit worried that you might try to get close to Taako and then kill him, which would be very painful.”  Then Angus took out his little wand and pointed it at Kravitz’s nose.  “For _you_.”

 

His voice cracked.  Kravitz raised an eyebrow; Angus’s blush deepened.

 

“Right.  Um, listen, you don’t need to worry about that.”  He scratched the back of his head.  “I’m not really sure what’s going on with me and Taako, but he and the rest are under Istus’s flag now; pretty sure they’re off-limits unless they start digging up corpses.”  

 

Angus nodded.  “Good,” he said.  "And...be nice to Taako, okay?"

 

Kravitz cracked a smile.  “I’ll do my best, kid.”  He stood and rolled his shoulders.  “Is that all you needed to know?”

 

Tilting his head to the side, Angus frowned.  “I guess so,” he said.  “I’ll release the binding now.  But remember, if you try anything mean…”

 

Kravitz couldn’t help it.  He reached over and ruffled Angus’s curly hair; the kid squawked indignantly, but there was no harm intended, so the binding couldn’t prevent it.  “Yeah, yeah, you’ll put the hurt on me.  Nice finally meeting you, Ango.”

 

Angus blushed and smudged a line of the binding, sending Kravitz hurtling back to his kitchen.


End file.
